I'm one lazy sonofabitch.
Not to mention a demotivated one at that. Something's changed in me and I don't like it.
Maybe I'm just having a bad moment. Maybe it's just in my head and won't last longer than an hour.
But when you've been feeling like this for at least 4 months you start to wonder when it'll ever go away.

It's my style, I just don't..like it anymore.
My friends have been able to achieve styles I've been trying to accomplish this year in the course of a few months.
Infact 1 person (I won't say who) has been able to get the style I've always dreamed about down to a tea in their drawings, so now I feel the style I strive for would just be..copying. It makes me jealous.
And I haven't felt that way in a long time.

Maybe I'm just better off inspiring to be a colourist. Then again I want a style that breathes life with poses, perspective, something that speaks out.
Something memorable.
I've been trying, and I'll keep trying at that..but at this current moment I just feel depressed with it all. I don't know what direction my styles even taking anymore. But it feels restricted.
If I could start again i would.
but it's too late for that, just gotta work with what i've learned.
I don't want asskissing because it's just not worth it. I'll feel fine about my art eventually.
Although I've always been happy about my colouring, proud about my inking.
My style..my confidence in it is slowly crumbling.


And I need to patch it up together again...stronger. So if I go off for awhile from here, SA or whatever in terms of submitting art it's all just because I want something I'm happy with that I'm happy to submit.
In all aspects.
Then again what am I saying I'm working on something right now. I'm a tad unhappy with how unoriginal I was but it's too late to turn back on it now. Plus I can always re-do it. I like the colouring so I'll keep going.

Well, thanks for reading this mopey, vent journal. Keep drawing.